Confession Time

Ya so it's been a while, what can I say life and work get hectic. 

I feel like I open a lot of my blog posts with that.

Today was a little bit of a rough day for me. Got to work and finally came to the conclusion that I will most likely have the worst month of my year, which is a hard thing for me to admit. Even admitting it I used the phrase "most likely" attempting to give myself false hope that in the next week I will have a extremely abnormal amount of activity that I should be able to realize...won't happen… sometimes denial helps keep me from having "entire cartoon of icecream consumption" moments...sometimes

With all that being said I did watch some inspirational videos, one involving jelly beans which is always a smart life decision, that seemed to pull on some "you can do it Ashley" strings. I'll admit I still realize that my November at work will end in a smoldering pile of ash, but it did motivate me to get off my lazy butt in some other aspects. 

Confession time:

One-

I currently weigh more than I did when I walked into the hospital (ok extra truth time we all know there was no walking involved) to give birth to Jocelyn. Wait what did I just say? Yes that is correct I weigh more right now than I did 9 months pregnant. I am the heaviest I have ever been. Period.Pathetic.

I think the main problem with that is I have an extremely hard time pushing myself in that aspect of my life. I have always had a coach to scream at me, throw things at me, threaten to bench me..you get the point. I have tried numerous times to motivate myself and really looking in the mirror should be a pretty damn good motivation, but at the end of the day I am awesome at convincing myself of things...like to put off working out "just one more day". I have tried working out with girlfriends but then I am not only convincing and justifying my laziness to myself but to girlfriends also...who always accept it. I need a trainer...a trainer who will throw objects at me and show up at my house if I cancel my appointment...yet to find one that will do that haha

Two-

Sometimes my priorities get completely out of whack. I admit that I use my busy "full-time working full-time mommying" act as an excuse sometimes. Sadly, the excuse is given to myself more than it is relayed to others. I will excuse myself from functions or excuse my lack of activities by justifying it with my "busy" schedule. 

Let's be honest though...who doesn't have a busy schedule? Everyone does and everyone always will and eventually you have to just suck it up and make it work. Either the event/function/friend/family member is a priority in my life and I do what it takes to get it done or I admit to myself and whomever is involved that maybe it isn't on my list of priorities at the moment, but no more excuses. 

Three-

I focus on the negative in life 87% of the time. Ok obviously I completely just threw out that number, but it's a pretty fitting number. I seem to be having an increasingly hard time staying positive lately. I can have a good day, but when asked by Zach when I get home how my day went the answer is fine or I truthfully rack my brain trying to find a topic I can "vent" about. That doesn't even make a lick of sense yet I do it on a daily basis. 

I have a feeling this may be the hardest thing for me to change. Which should say a lot because I am fairly certain that unless some magical trainer comes into my life I will have a hell of a time getting back in shape. I am going to try and slowly work on fixing this. Starting with taking an idea that my lovely friend Cayla has been doing the past year. Tomorrow on my lunch break I am going to go purchase a diary and once a day I will write down one positive thing that happened in my previous day that I am thankful for. I am half tempted to make some sort of a spreadsheet for it because those seem to be the only things I can keep up with. 

Anyone who likes this idea and wants to read all about my friend Cayla who gave me the idea her blog is http://livinthelifeofalinemanswife.blogspot.com/2013/11/thankful-november.html 

Of course along with the journal I am going to attempt to keep up on my blog better. Like I have never said that before but people can change! Truly though it definitely helps me reflect on what is currently going on in my life. 

Before I shut this baby down and crawl in next to my sneezing/coughing/sick fiancé (be jealous) I will leave you with this lovely chat him and I had tonight

**disclaimer** 

I was having a weak moment as my Pinterest wall was flooded with all things baby, thanks friends. 

Me: babe I want another baby....

Zach: really because I want a new couch

Me: o my god! Seriously that is the response I get!! I can't believe you just said that to me 

Zach: ok miss wedding dress bought, honeymoon booked, Vegas trip planned, "Zach I need to lose 20 pounds waaaa waaa waaa" priorities! I want a couch!

Me: well aren't we just a bit grouchy tonight Mr. sickie pants 

XoXo

Idiot and Idiot wife

Today is apparently a multiple post kind of day. I am beyond sick still and at this point probably need to go to the Dr myself and take Jocelyn back because the first person didn't do a darn thing and she has been sick for far too long. The only reason this post is being written is probably due to my sickness and therefore lack of "putting up with idiots" ability. After Jocelyn's nap I decided I just couldn't live without DayQuil and NyQuil any longer so I loaded us up and we ran to Safeway. Well just because I feel horrible (nothing to do with the day or time obviously) Safeway was PACKED. I ended up waiting in a huge line just for my dinky two products and got stuck behind the biggest idiot on the planet. Okay sadly he isn't the biggest idiot on the planet which is a shame. This is the conversation I overheard and inevitably ended up sticking my two cents into.

"I am so tired of always hearing about how the schools want more money. Teachers have such an easy job and then they complain we only pay them so much. They don't even work a full year and they want a full years pay! Its outrageous!" -idiot

"It's because they feel they are more than just teachers" "They need to realize all we want them to do is teach our kids numbers and letters"-idiots wife

"Exactly they want the pay of a psychologist; they aren't doctors, they aren't lawyers, they just don't matter as much as they think they do" -idiot

and....this is when I snapped. Again, any other day I could have probably endured another 5 minutes waiting in line listening to these idiots talk, but not today. I set both my DayQuil and NyQuil on the shelf by all the gums and went off on them.

"Sir do you remember any teachers from your childhood? Can you recall any of their names or anything about them?" -me

"Well of course I do I'm not senile I had Mr BLANK (Can not recall his name to save my life)in 5th grade he was awesome he read us The Hobbit I can still remember sitting around in a circle listening to his voice" -idiot

"O O I had Mrs Carner (sp?) in High School she was amazing the most sweet and caring woman I have ever met; she was so sweet that she would stay late every day after school and help who ever needed it...even if it was in a different subject." -idiot wife

I am not even joking this is what came out of their mouth. At this point they not only answered my question, but fed right into exactly where I was going with my comment. I was almost too shocked to even reply I just couldn't believe they fed into my plan THAT perfectly.

"Now do you remember your childhood Dr? Do you remember the first tax accountant you ever went to? What about any lawyers you may have used during your 20's?" -me

*awkward silence* Now the man finally seems to see where I'm going with this and he motioned for his wife to keep quiet

"No? hmm that's strange because if they were so important to your childhood development you think you would have remembered more about them? It is even more strange that these "number and letter teachers" are so prominent in your memory. BUT those are memories for you...it is super common to completely forget about the important people in your life but remember those damn number and letter people!! Damn minds!" -me

And at that point I turned around and walked away, but I did get the gratitude of witnessing all the bystanders in line and they all had grins from ear to ear.

I never did get my DayQuil though :-(

Work Workie Work

I work a full time job Monday through Friday 8:15-5:15, every week. I wake up at 6:30 and am gone from my home by 7:15...I don't see Jocelyn again until I am off work at 5:30 picking her up and we don't get to the house until almost 6:00. Then after working and going non-stop for almost 12 hours I go home and take care of Jocelyn until she goes to bed. On weekends we spent every second together and never am I telling her to "go play in her room while mommy does this or that". I rarely if ever reach that point where I want to scream and run far away in the opposite direction. Yet when I tell random people that, they look at me with pity. As though I am not as good of a mother because I don't choose to stay home and watch her. It drives me absolutely bonkers. "O i'm sorry I bet you hate missing so much" "Don't ya just wish you could stay home and watch your little one grow??" "O how unfortunate that you have to work" Welp assholes who are just convinced I sit pitying myself feeling like an under achieved mother...I prefer to put food in my daughters mouth, give her medical insurance that comes out my paycheck not tax payers checks, and have a career that my daughter will be proud of. I'm sorry I didn't marry rich or decide to live off of the state's dime, but no I don't sit around wishing I was a stay at home mother on welfare. I am beyond proud that I make more than the average 22 year old. I am beyond proud that I have come farther in the work force than most of my fellow graduates. I am even proud that my income is high enough as a single mother that I don't receive a huge tax return back from the gov't. The only thing you do by making your rude comments is allow me to make a smart ass comment back to you that you don't expect. I work in Idaho and at the age of 22 make more than the median average assholes, so you can kindly suck it.