I feel like I open a lot of my blog posts with that.
Today was a little bit of a rough day for me. Got to work and finally came to the conclusion that I will most likely have the worst month of my year, which is a hard thing for me to admit. Even admitting it I used the phrase "most likely" attempting to give myself false hope that in the next week I will have a extremely abnormal amount of activity that I should be able to realize...won't happen… sometimes denial helps keep me from having "entire cartoon of icecream consumption" moments...sometimes
With all that being said I did watch some inspirational videos, one involving jelly beans which is always a smart life decision, that seemed to pull on some "you can do it Ashley" strings. I'll admit I still realize that my November at work will end in a smoldering pile of ash, but it did motivate me to get off my lazy butt in some other aspects.
Confession time:
One-
I currently weigh more than I did when I walked into the hospital (ok extra truth time we all know there was no walking involved) to give birth to Jocelyn. Wait what did I just say? Yes that is correct I weigh more right now than I did 9 months pregnant. I am the heaviest I have ever been. Period.Pathetic.
I think the main problem with that is I have an extremely hard time pushing myself in that aspect of my life. I have always had a coach to scream at me, throw things at me, threaten to bench me..you get the point. I have tried numerous times to motivate myself and really looking in the mirror should be a pretty damn good motivation, but at the end of the day I am awesome at convincing myself of things...like to put off working out "just one more day". I have tried working out with girlfriends but then I am not only convincing and justifying my laziness to myself but to girlfriends also...who always accept it. I need a trainer...a trainer who will throw objects at me and show up at my house if I cancel my appointment...yet to find one that will do that haha
Two-
Sometimes my priorities get completely out of whack. I admit that I use my busy "full-time working full-time mommying" act as an excuse sometimes. Sadly, the excuse is given to myself more than it is relayed to others. I will excuse myself from functions or excuse my lack of activities by justifying it with my "busy" schedule.
Let's be honest though...who doesn't have a busy schedule? Everyone does and everyone always will and eventually you have to just suck it up and make it work. Either the event/function/friend/family member is a priority in my life and I do what it takes to get it done or I admit to myself and whomever is involved that maybe it isn't on my list of priorities at the moment, but no more excuses.
Three-
I focus on the negative in life 87% of the time. Ok obviously I completely just threw out that number, but it's a pretty fitting number. I seem to be having an increasingly hard time staying positive lately. I can have a good day, but when asked by Zach when I get home how my day went the answer is fine or I truthfully rack my brain trying to find a topic I can "vent" about. That doesn't even make a lick of sense yet I do it on a daily basis.
I have a feeling this may be the hardest thing for me to change. Which should say a lot because I am fairly certain that unless some magical trainer comes into my life I will have a hell of a time getting back in shape. I am going to try and slowly work on fixing this. Starting with taking an idea that my lovely friend Cayla has been doing the past year. Tomorrow on my lunch break I am going to go purchase a diary and once a day I will write down one positive thing that happened in my previous day that I am thankful for. I am half tempted to make some sort of a spreadsheet for it because those seem to be the only things I can keep up with.
Anyone who likes this idea and wants to read all about my friend Cayla who gave me the idea her blog is http://livinthelifeofalinemanswife.blogspot.com/2013/11/thankful-november.html
Of course along with the journal I am going to attempt to keep up on my blog better. Like I have never said that before but people can change! Truly though it definitely helps me reflect on what is currently going on in my life.
Before I shut this baby down and crawl in next to my sneezing/coughing/sick fiancé (be jealous) I will leave you with this lovely chat him and I had tonight
**disclaimer**
I was having a weak moment as my Pinterest wall was flooded with all things baby, thanks friends.
Me: babe I want another baby....
Zach: really because I want a new couch
Me: o my god! Seriously that is the response I get!! I can't believe you just said that to me
Zach: ok miss wedding dress bought, honeymoon booked, Vegas trip planned, "Zach I need to lose 20 pounds waaaa waaa waaa" priorities! I want a couch!
Me: well aren't we just a bit grouchy tonight Mr. sickie pants
XoXo
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