My Story

I had Jocelyn when I was 19 yrs old. I was somewhat fresh out of high school, blowing off college like it was non important and learning all about partying. I was in an abusive relationship, but couldn't see it from my view.

When I found out I was pregnant I hit a rough patch...a very very rough patch. I found out and instead of telling one guy had to explain to two guys that I was pregnant. I spent days calculating when I would have ovulated to try and figure out if there was even the chance of it being 2 different peoples. After days and days and even consulting with my dr. we had determined it was roughly a 70/30 chance and her advice was to keep my mouth shut. Unfortunately, it ate away at me and I quickly fumbled that "little" lie. I had a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and it took 8 months to finally starting seeing it. Jocelyn gave me that light, from the moment she was born it was as if the blind fold had been taken off my eyes. I quickly realized I had made a horrible life choice; I had gotten married. I had walked down to the court house and said I do in front of a judge because...well honestly I don't know. I remember his grandmother telling us that having a child together meant we needed to get married...and that next week boom marriage certificate in hand. I spent the majority of that time lying in bed. Sleeping 20 hrs a day and not eating enough calories for myself let alone a baby inside me. Again...it was a rough dark time. Having Jocelyn gave me something to fight for when I didn't even realize I needed anything. Within days of being released from the hospital I started to remove myself from the situation from "our life". We started to fight for the first time since I had gotten pregnant, I started to finally fight back. My entire pregnancy I was a "yes dear, ok dear, i'm sorry dear" wife...I didn't fight, I didn't give my opinion, I didn't say no. I finally started to see my friends again, friends that I had mostly lost during my pregnancy because "he" didn't like them. Within months of Jocelyn being born we were separated and living apart. My time spent living with him in "our family" was less than our separation and divorce. Finally after a year of complete and utter depression I was out and back on path.